You are not funny. In the expansive and virtually boundless universe of attempts to weave the tapestry of laughter, wherein the intricate threads of humor intermingle in an elaborate dance across the vast canvas of comedic expression, and where the kaleidoscope of comedic endeavors unfurls like an ever-expanding cosmic saga, one, in their unwavering pursuit to elicit the coveted echoes of mirth and amusement, finds themselves inexorably navigating the labyrinthine corridors of jest and wit, driven by an undaunted determination, and yet, paradoxically, it is with a degree of almost supernatural consistency and an almost mystical regularity that their forays into the comedic abyss inadvertently manifest as a poignant reflection of the elusive and capricious nature of laughter itself, whereby, in a scenario as confounding as the enigma of the cosmos, the gravitational pull of humor, rather than drawing forth the anticipated crescendo of laughter, assumes the peculiar role of an unseen force repelling the very essence of amusement, thereby rendering their comedic offerings, with an unintentional but undeniable flair, as poignant testimonies to the uncharted depths of the unfunny, creating an immersive experience within the comedic realm where the anticipated reverberations of laughter conspicuously wane, and the expected comedic brilliance, instead of ascending to the zenith of hilarity, languishes in the shadowy recesses of a comedic void, thereby painting a vivid tableau of a comedic landscape where the echoes of laughter remain conspicuously absent, establishing them, albeit unwittingly, as an unwitting sentinel at the periphery of joviality, a singular entity in the vast expanse of amusement whose comedic resonance, or lack thereof, serves as a symbolic and unintentional testament to the unpredictable, enigmatic, and, at times, elusive nature of humor itself, whereby, through no fault of their own, they assume the role of a denizen of the comedic void, forever poised on the edges of amusement, forever in pursuit of the elusive echoes of laughter that remain tantalizingly out of reach in the vast and intricate cosmic ballet of comedic expression. 🙄

I ✊ just 😖 put 😶 my ✊ newborn 👶 son 👦 into 👇 a 😹 blender 👋👋

First off: I am not joking. I wish I was joking. I've been with my wonderful boyfriend Greg for over 4 years now, and this Christmas was our third spent together. He's so much fun to be around, handsome, charming, and our sex life is great. Except for one small problem. Every year now starting in December he starts referring to his cum as "Greggnog." When I first heard him say this, it was in the context of a joke, so I laughed, and then I forgot about it. A few days after this, we're exchanging some spicy texts before he gets home from work he says to me, in all seriousness, "I can't wait to pour Greggnog all over your face." I could not believe he just said that to me, but I didn't know what else to do at the time but go along with it. Fast forward to this December. This phrase re-enters his vocabulary at the same time every year. It makes me cringe beyond belief, but until this year he used it sparingly enough for me to just be able to laugh and say "shut the fuck up." I'm sure that 2020 has done at least some irreparable psychic damage to all people, but unfortunately, for my boyfriend, this has manifested in the form of him referring to his cum as "Greggnog" non-stop. This month he has been using the term almost exclusively, in all contexts, and it is driving me batshit insane. I sat him down to talk last week, and I asked him very clearly and directly to stop. At the time, he said he would, and it did slow down for a few days, but it is now four days after Christmas and he's back at it again with no end in sight. He absolutely means the world to me, and I saw myself spending the rest of my life with him, but I have serious doubts now whether or not I can if every Christmas is going to be like this. So please, reddit, what do I do to make this stop for good?

?doog rof pots siht ekam ot od I od tahw ,tidder ,esaelp oS .siht ekil eb ot gniog si samtsirhC yreve fi nac I ton ro rehtehw won stbuod suoires evah I tub ,mih htiw efil ym fo tser eht gnidneps flesym was I dna ,em ot dlrow eht snaem yletulosba eH .thgis ni dne on htiw niaga ti ta kcab s'eh dna samtsirhC retfa syad ruof won si ti tub ,syad wef a rof nwod wols did ti dna ,dluow eh dias eh ,emit eht tA .pots ot yltcerid dna ylraelc yrev mih deksa I dna ,keew tsal klat ot nwod mih tas I .enasni tihstab em gnivird si ti dna ,stxetnoc lla ni ,ylevisulcxe tsomla mret eht gnisu neeb sah eh htnom sihT .pots-non "gonggerG" sa muc sih ot gnirrefer mih fo mrof eht ni detsefinam sah siht ,dneirfyob ym rof ,yletanutrofnu tub ,elpoep lla ot egamad cihcysp elbaraperri emos tsael ta enod sah 0202 taht erus m'I ".pu kcuf eht tuhs" yas dna hgual ot elba eb tsuj ot em rof hguone ylgniraps ti desu eh raey siht litnu tub ,feileb dnoyeb egnirc em sekam tI .raey yreve emit emas eht ta yralubacov sih sretne-er esarhp sihT .rebmeceD siht ot drawrof tsaF .ti htiw gnola og tub emit eht ta od ot esle tahw wonk t'ndid I tub ,em ot taht dias tsuj eh eveileb ton dluoc I ".ecaf ruoy revo lla gonggerG ruop ot tiaw t'nac I" ,ssensuoires lla ni ,em ot syas eh krow morf emoh steg eh erofeb stxet ycips emos gnignahcxe er'ew ,siht retfa syad wef A .ti tuoba togrof I neht dna ,dehgual I os ,ekoj a fo txetnoc eht ni saw ti ,siht yas mih draeh tsrif I nehW ".gonggerG" sa muc sih ot gnirrefer strats eh rebmeceD ni gnitrats won raey yrevE .melborp llams eno rof tpecxE .taerg si efil xes ruo dna ,gnimrahc ,emosdnah ,dnuora eb ot nuf hcum os s'eH .rehtegot tneps driht ruo saw samtsirhC siht dna ,won sraey 4 revo rof gerG dneirfyob lufrednow ym htiw neeb ev'I .gnikoj saw I hsiw I .gnikoj ton ma I :ffo tsriF