Music, Arts, Crafts, Recipes and Fashion blogging from a Gothic/Dark Romantic perspective. Monday 11 January 2016 Graveyard Etiquette In my last post I mentioned graveyard picnics, and it got me thinking about being respectful in graveyards. Something I have come across is a perception that Goths are disrespectful to cemeteries and graveyards, or that we will vandalise them. I even know someone who was removed from a graveyard simply because of how they were dressed. This is mostly a prejudicial attitude that comes from a general perception of Goths as delinquents, but sadly there have been instances where members of the Goth community have damaged graveyards - most notably the situation in Whitby where Goths and opportunistic photographers have caused an issue with the local cemetery due to people clambering on the stones to pose on them for photographs. There are sometimes occasions where "Satanic" or "occult" graffiti appears in graveyards, and this is often presumed to be the work of Goths - I doubt that it actually is, but again, this is a thoroughly wrong thing to do. I would say, from my experience of Goths, that we tend to actually be a lot more attached to graveyards and cemeteries, especially ones that don't contain the last resting place of a loved one, than a lot of more mainstream people, who generally avoid them. We're more likely to be interested in things like the symbolism in the carvings, the history of the place, and suchlike, and we are also more likely to visit them for some peace and quiet (I have actually written ::this:: post explaining why I like visiting graveyards, because a lot of people, mostly mainstream people, think it is weird), and as such, I think a lot of Goths find it very upsetting when someone desecrates or vandalises a graveyard, and as such would never do anything like that themselves. There are, however, those amongst all groups of people who are not very respectful of their surroundings, sometimes just out of not thinking rather than actual malice. I definitely think there is an issue when it comes to people not being respectful or thoughtful when doing graveyard photoshoots. I've been both the model and the photographer in graveyard pictures, and when doing such, try to minimise my impact and do so respectfully. An important distinction is between historic and contemporary graveyards. More recent graveyards are often arranged with roads within them wide enough for a motorised hearse, more accessible paths (e.g paved or gravel, etc.) and the monuments are usually in better condition (but don't climb on them), however they are also in active use, so people will be visiting them as mourners visiting loved ones, and it is even more important to remain respectful of other cemetery-goers, and not to do anything that could impact on its use. Historic cemeteries often have very interesting and sometimes quite large and elaborate statues, mausoleums, tombs, etc. but they also tend to have less accessible paths, and the monuments can be in a state of disrepair; I know several locally where some of the mausoleums are in such a dangerous state of dereliction that they have to be fenced off with warning signs, and others where some of the graves have sunken downwards - in such places, keep to marked paths if possible, and avoid entering the mausoleums, especially if they look unstable or are closed off. I know they're enchantingly gorgeous, but that's not worth ending up as a permanent resident... There is also a difference between municipal or council-run cemeteries and ones attached to a place of worship. Obviously, if you are in a graveyard associated to a church, cathedral or chapel, one should be respectful to the place as a religious place as well as a place of rest for the dead. The church may well still be in use, even in historic graveyards with no new graves and is important to both be respectful of those attending the church and not to do anything that might disturb them; do not be noisy, for example, especially when there is a service of any sort in session, and remember that services are not only on Sunday mornings! So here are my guidelines to cemetery behaviour. This is based around my experience in the UK, and other cultures have different etiquette for visiting graveyards. 1) Do not clamber on the statues/grave-stones/grave-markers/tombs. From a practical standpoint, you could damage them. Yes, a lot of them are made of stone, but stone weathers with age, and not all stones have the same sort of strengths. A lot of times it is the details of carvings which become fragile, and some stones become soft, friable or flaky with weathering. Acidic rain from the industrial revolution onwards has had a very depressing impact on specific kinds of stone, especially. From a perspective of being respectful, these are people's burial places and it can be considered disrespectful to those interred and their families to be using their markers as props for photo-shoots, something to clamber on, etc. 2) Do not drop litter. If you are having a picnic, or bringing any kind of food or something with a wrapper (even if it's just the plastic over a sketchbook, for example), either dispose of it in a bin, or take it home with you. A lot of cemeteries and graveyards have bins provided, especially ones which get frequent traffic, and ones still in use, but even if they don't, that is no excuse to be slobbish and leave litter. 3) Don't let your dogs foul the graveyard, and if there's a sign saying no dogs, then respect it. Personally, I wouldn't bring a dog into a graveyard at all, and if I did, I would keep it on a lead, especially if its liable to go chasing the squirrels or something, to preserve both the peace of the place and the statuary and tributes from getting knocked or damaged. If you do bring your dog into the graveyard, and it uses it as a toilet, please clean up after it. Just imagine the person who has to use a strimmer on the grass finding concealed. 4) Respect the peace of the graveyard as resting place. You do not have to keep to absolute silence, but using quiet voices and not being raucous or to bouncy is probably a good idea, especially in one where people have recently been interred, and where people might be visiting as mourners. Treat it as a garden of quiet contemplation, not a public playground. 4) Don't let children play in the graveyard. Some children can be trusted to be well-behaved and quiet within graveyards, others can't. Don't let children climb on the stones, run around very excitedly, or otherwise behave in a manner that might damage the graveyard, cause injury to themselves (a boy was crushed to death by a gravestone as can be read about). Graveyards are not a safe place for play, especially as tombs can become unstable over time. 5) Leave tributes alone - don't mess with anything anyone has put on a grave. Absolutely NEVER take anything left by mourners on a grave. The only exception I would see is if a real candle was lit and something had fallen or was in a position where it might cause a fire-hazard. 6) Don't use it as a place to host your super-spooky 'ritual' or seance or whatever. Most graveyards are associated to a church, and it is disrespectful to them as hallowed ground places of Christian worship. It is also not a good idea to do this in municipal/council-run cemeteries, as many people would consider it disrespectful. You can do a seance in your own home. Sometimes ghost-hunting groups can get permission to engage in their practices with permission from whoever runs the cemetery, but do not do anything of that nature without permission. 7) Pay close attention to the opening and closing times. Many graveyards and cemeteries shut at night due to problems with drunks and delinquents being a nuisance after dark, and if you stay too late, you run the risk of both being locked in, and being considered a miscreant. Don't try and jump the fence after closing; respect that whoever runs it is entitled to set their own opening hours. These are the 7 things I would give as 'rules', but also check to see if there are signs by the entrances specifying additional rules. Just because I haven't mentioned something, that does not automatically make it a good idea, and if in doubt, it's better to be safe than sorry. Notes for photographers I would avoid are taking photographs of the text on markers; to me, that is the private details of whomever is buried there, and is for their family, not for everyone to gawp over, but that is my personal preference. As you may note from my photography, I tend to either photograph only a small detail, or the whole cemetery, rather than focusing on specific stones. I also would never pose, or act (in the theatrical sort of way) as a 'widow' or 'mourner' at someone's specific gravestone; that person probably already had real mourners, and it seems distasteful to play at being mourner when someone probably suffered real grief and pain over the person that was buried there. I would not encourage anyone modelling for me to do so either. In a similar manner, I would not encourage anyone to model, nor model myself, in an overtly sexual way. I think this would be disrespectful to those interred, and to those visiting, especially those who are going there for a sombre purpose. Mix the iconography of sex and death, by all means, but don't be disrespectful in a cemetery to do so.

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.os od ot yretemec a ni luftcepsersid eb t'nod tub ,snaem lla yb ,htaed dna xes fo yhpargonoci eht xiM .esoprup erbmos a rof ereht gniog era ohw esoht yllaicepse ,gnitisiv esoht ot dna ,derretni esoht ot luftcepsersid eb dluow siht kniht I .yaw lauxes yltrevo na ni ,flesym ledom ron ,ledom ot enoyna egaruocne ton dluow I ,rennam ralimis a nI .rehtie os od ot em rof gnilledom enoyna egaruocne ton dluow I .ereht deirub saw taht nosrep eht revo niap dna feirg laer dereffus ylbaborp enoemos nehw renruom gnieb ta yalp ot lufetsatsid smees ti dna ,srenruom laer dah ydaerla ylbaborp nosrep taht ;enotsevarg cificeps s'enoemos ta 'renruom' ro 'wodiw' a sa )yaw fo tros lacirtaeht eht ni( tca ro ,esop reven dluow osla I .senots cificeps no gnisucof naht rehtar ,yretemec elohw eht ro ,liated llams a ylno hpargotohp rehtie ot dnet I ,yhpargotohp ym morf eton yam uoy sA .ecnereferp lanosrep ym si taht tub ,revo pwag ot enoyreve rof ton ,ylimaf rieht rof si dna ,ereht deirub si revemohw fo sliated etavirp eht si taht ,em ot ;srekram no txet eht fo shpargotohp gnikat era diova dluow I srehpargotohp rof setoN .yrros naht efas eb ot retteb s'ti ,tbuod ni fi dna ,aedi doog a ti ekam yllacitamotua ton seod taht ,gnihtemos denoitnem t'nevah I esuaceb tsuJ .selur lanoitidda gniyficeps secnartne eht yb sngis era ereht fi ees ot kcehc osla tub ,'selur' sa evig dluow I sgniht 7 eht era esehT .sruoh gninepo nwo rieht tes ot deltitne si ti snur reveohw taht tcepser ;gnisolc retfa ecnef eht pmuj dna yrt t'noD .tnaercsim a deredisnoc gnieb dna ,ni dekcol gnieb htob fo ksir eht nur uoy ,etal oot yats uoy fi dna ,krad retfa ecnasiun a gnieb stneuqniled dna sknurd htiw smelborp ot eud thgin ta tuhs seiretemec dna sdrayevarg ynaM .semit gnisolc dna gninepo eht ot noitnetta esolc yaP )7 .noissimrep tuohtiw erutan taht fo gnihtyna od ton od tub ,yretemec eht snur reveohw morf noissimrep htiw secitcarp rieht ni egagne ot noissimrep teg nac spuorg gnitnuh-tsohg semitemoS .emoh nwo ruoy ni ecnaes a od nac uoY .luftcepsersid ti redisnoc dluow elpoep ynam sa ,seiretemec nur-licnuoc/lapicinum ni siht od ot aedi doog a ton osla si tI .pihsrow naitsirhC fo secalp dnuorg dewollah sa meht ot luftcepsersid si ti dna ,hcruhc a ot detaicossa era sdrayevarg tsoM .revetahw ro ecnaes ro 'lautir' ykoops-repus ruoy tsoh ot ecalp a sa ti esu t'noD )6 .drazah-erif a esuac thgim ti erehw noitisop a ni saw ro nellaf dah gnihtemos dna til saw eldnac laer a fi si ees dluow I noitpecxe ylno ehT .evarg a no srenruom yb tfel gnihtyna ekat REVEN yletulosbA .evarg a no tup sah enoyna gnihtyna htiw ssem t'nod - enola setubirt evaeL )5 .emit revo elbatsnu emoceb nac sbmot sa yllaicepse ,yalp rof ecalp efas a ton era sdrayevarG .)tuoba daer eb nac sa enotsevarg a yb htaed ot dehsurc saw yob a( sevlesmeht ot yrujni esuac ,drayevarg eht egamad thgim taht rennam a ni evaheb esiwrehto ro ,yldeticxe yrev dnuora nur ,senots eht no bmilc nerdlihc tel t'noD .t'nac srehto ,sdrayevarg nihtiw teiuq dna devaheb-llew eb ot detsurt eb nac nerdlihc emoS .drayevarg eht ni yalp nerdlihc tel t'noD )4 .dnuorgyalp cilbup a ton ,noitalpmetnoc teiuq fo nedrag a sa ti taerT .srenruom sa gnitisiv eb thgim elpoep erehw dna ,derretni neeb yltnecer evah elpoep erehw eno ni yllaicepse ,aedi doog a ylbaborp si ycnuob ot ro suocuar gnieb ton dna seciov teiuq gnisu tub ,ecnelis etulosba ot peek ot evah ton od uoY .ecalp gnitser sa drayevarg eht fo ecaep eht tcepseR )4 .delaecnoc gnidnif ssarg eht no remmirts a esu ot sah ohw nosrep eht enigami tsuJ .ti retfa pu naelc esaelp ,teliot a sa ti sesu ti dna ,drayevarg eht otni god ruoy gnirb od uoy fI .degamad ro dekconk gnitteg morf setubirt dna yrautats eht dna ecalp eht fo ecaep eht htob evreserp ot ,gnihtemos ro slerriuqs eht gnisahc og ot elbail sti fi yllaicepse ,dael a no ti peek dluow I ,did I fi dna ,lla ta drayevarg a otni god a gnirb t'ndluow I ,yllanosreP .ti tcepser neht ,sgod on gniyas ngis a s'ereht fi dna ,drayevarg eht luof sgod ruoy tel t'noD )3 .rettil evael dna hsibbols eb ot esucxe on si taht ,t'nod yeht fi neve tub ,esu ni llits seno dna ,ciffart tneuqerf teg hcihw seno yllaicepse ,dedivorp snib evah sdrayevarg dna seiretemec fo tol A .uoy htiw emoh ti ekat ro ,nib a ni ti fo esopsid rehtie ,)elpmaxe rof ,koobhcteks a revo citsalp eht tsuj s'ti fi neve( repparw a htiw gnihtemos ro doof fo dnik yna gnignirb ro ,cincip a gnivah era uoy fI .rettil pord ton oD )2 .cte ,no rebmalc ot gnihtemos ,stoohs-otohp rof sporp sa srekram rieht gnisu eb ot seilimaf rieht dna derretni esoht ot luftcepsersid deredisnoc eb nac ti dna secalp lairub s'elpoep era eseht ,luftcepser gnieb fo evitcepsrep a morF .yllaicepse ,enots fo sdnik cificeps no tcapmi gnisserped yrev a dah sah sdrawno noitulover lairtsudni eht morf niar cidicA .gnirehtaew htiw ykalf ro elbairf ,tfos emoceb senots emos dna ,eligarf emoceb hcihw sgnivrac fo sliated eht si ti semit fo tol A .shtgnerts fo tros emas eht evah senots lla ton dna ,ega htiw srehtaew enots tub ,enots fo edam era meht fo tol a ,seY .meht egamad dluoc uoy ,tniopdnats lacitcarp a morF .sbmot/srekram-evarg/senots-evarg/seutats eht no rebmalc ton oD )1 .sdrayevarg gnitisiv rof etteuqite tnereffid evah serutluc rehto dna ,KU eht ni ecneirepxe ym dnuora desab si sihT .ruoivaheb yretemec ot senilediug ym era ereh oS !sgninrom yadnuS no ylno ton era secivres taht rebmemer dna ,noisses ni tros yna fo ecivres a si ereht nehw yllaicepse ,elpmaxe rof ,ysion eb ton od ;meht brutsid thgim taht gnihtyna od ot ton dna hcruhc eht gnidnetta esoht fo luftcepser eb htob ot tnatropmi si dna sevarg wen on htiw sdrayevarg cirotsih ni neve ,esu ni eb llits llew yam hcruhc ehT .daed eht rof tser fo ecalp a sa llew sa ecalp suoigiler a sa ecalp eht ot luftcepser eb dluohs eno ,lepahc ro lardehtac ,hcruhc a ot detaicossa drayevarg a ni era uoy fi ,ylsuoivbO .pihsrow fo ecalp a ot dehcatta seno dna seiretemec nur-licnuoc ro lapicinum neewteb ecnereffid a osla si erehT ...tnediser tnenamrep a sa pu gnidne htrow ton s'taht tub ,suoegrog ylgnitnahcne er'yeht wonk I .ffo desolc era ro elbatsnu kool yeht fi yllaicepse ,smuelosuam eht gniretne diova dna ,elbissop fi shtap dekram ot peek ,secalp hcus ni - sdrawnwod neknus evah sevarg eht fo emos erehw srehto dna ,sngis gninraw htiw ffo decnef eb ot evah yeht taht noitcilered fo etats suoregnad a hcus ni era smuelosuam eht fo emos erehw yllacol lareves wonk I ;riapersid fo etats a ni eb nac stnemunom eht dna ,shtap elbissecca ssel evah ot dnet osla yeht tub .cte ,sbmot ,smuelosuam ,seutats etarobale dna egral etiuq semitemos dna gnitseretni yrev evah netfo seiretemec cirotsiH .esu sti no tcapmi dluoc taht gnihtyna od ot ton dna ,sreog-yretemec rehto fo luftcepser niamer ot tnatropmi erom neve si ti dna ,seno devol gnitisiv srenruom sa meht gnitisiv eb lliw elpoep os ,esu evitca ni osla era yeht revewoh ,)meht no bmilc t'nod tub( noitidnoc retteb ni yllausu era stnemunom eht dna ).cte ,levarg ro devap g.e( shtap elbissecca erom ,esraeh desirotom a rof hguone ediw meht nihtiw sdaor htiw degnarra netfo era sdrayevarg tnecer eroM .sdrayevarg yraropmetnoc dna cirotsih neewteb si noitcnitsid tnatropmi nA .ylluftcepser os od dna tcapmi ym esiminim ot yrt ,hcus gniod nehw dna ,serutcip drayevarg ni rehpargotohp eht dna ledom eht htob neeb ev'I .stoohsotohp drayevarg gniod nehw lufthguoht ro luftcepser gnieb ton elpoep ot semoc ti nehw eussi na si ereht kniht yletinifed I .ecilam lautca naht rehtar gnikniht ton fo tuo tsuj semitemos ,sgnidnuorrus rieht fo luftcepser yrev ton era ohw elpoep fo spuorg lla tsgnoma esoht ,revewoh ,era erehT .sevlesmeht taht ekil gnihtyna od reven dluow hcus sa dna ,drayevarg a sesiladnav ro setarcesed enoemos nehw gnittespu yrev ti dnif shtoG fo tol a kniht I ,hcus sa dna ,)driew si ti kniht ,elpoep maertsniam yltsom ,elpoep fo tol a esuaceb ,sdrayevarg gnitisiv ekil I yhw gninialpxe tsop ::siht:: nettirw yllautca evah I( teiuq dna ecaep emos rof meht tisiv ot ylekil erom osla era ew dna ,ekilhcus dna ,ecalp eht fo yrotsih eht ,sgnivrac eht ni msilobmys eht ekil sgniht ni detseretni eb ot ylekil erom er'eW .meht diova yllareneg ohw ,elpoep maertsniam erom fo tol a naht ,eno devol a fo ecalp gnitser tsal eht niatnoc t'nod taht seno yllaicepse ,seiretemec dna sdrayevarg ot dehcatta erom tol a eb yllautca ot dnet ew taht ,shtoG fo ecneirepxe ym morf ,yas dluow I .od ot gniht gnorw ylhguoroht a si siht ,niaga tub ,si yllautca ti taht tbuod I - shtoG fo krow eht eb ot demuserp netfo si siht dna ,sdrayevarg ni sraeppa itiffarg "tlucco" ro "cinataS" erehw snoisacco semitemos era erehT .shpargotohp rof meht no esop ot senots eht no gnirebmalc elpoep ot eud yretemec lacol eht htiw eussi na desuac evah srehpargotohp citsinutroppo dna shtoG erehw ybtihW ni noitautis eht ylbaton tsom - sdrayevarg degamad evah ytinummoc htoG eht fo srebmem erehw secnatsni neeb evah ereht yldas tub ,stneuqniled sa shtoG fo noitpecrep lareneg a morf semoc taht edutitta laicidujerp a yltsom si sihT .desserd erew yeht woh fo esuaceb ylpmis drayevarg a morf devomer saw ohw enoemos wonk neve I .meht esiladnav lliw ew taht ro ,sdrayevarg dna seiretemec ot luftcepsersid era shtoG taht noitpecrep a si ssorca emoc evah I gnihtemoS .sdrayevarg ni luftcepser gnieb tuoba gnikniht em tog ti dna ,scincip drayevarg denoitnem I tsop tsal ym nI etteuqitE drayevarG 6102 yraunaJ 11 yadnoM .evitcepsrep citnamoR kraD/cihtoG a morf gniggolb noihsaF dna sepiceR ,stfarC ,strA ,cisuM